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01 August 2010 @ 07:59 pm
FIC: Parameters (EPILOGUE)  
Title: Parameters
Fandom: Queer As Folk
Rating: R/M for language -- if you’ve seen the series, you’re fine.
Category: Angst, drama, romance, friendship, hurt/comfort
Disclaimer: I do not own, nor am I any way affiliated with the characters, actors, or production company that were part of Queer As Folk. I am however the owner of the characters and places you do not recognize.
Warnings: Cancer!fic (NOT a death!fic)
Dedicated: For gundamnook who asked for this fic as the winning bidder from help_haiti!
Summary: Justin Taylor ignored the symptoms. Ignored the nausea, the headaches, the nosebleeds. But he couldn’t ignore the colorblindness. With a dire diagnosis, he’s making his way back to Pittsburgh for the first time in two and a half years to face the music of his mortality once again.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five.
Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten.
Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen.


I hate Fridays. Most people in the world anticipate it Sunday evening through Thursday because it’s the last day of work, before a blissful 60 some-odd hours before you have to crawl back into the office you hate with your tail between your legs and a toothy smile on your face that belies the fact you wanna blow the fucking building sky high.

I love my job and I own the fucking place, so I’m not one of those pathetic losers.

I hate Fridays because for the last several months, it’s been Justin’s day for treatments. And the last few times he’s been so sick afterward that the smell nearly made me gag. And I have a very relaxed reflex, as should most gay men. Not to mention, it made me want to blow up the doctors office and remedy the problem, but then Justin’s health would probably end up worse.

Neither of us really bargained for the “it’ll be bad for awhile” from Pryce to actually mean “it’s gonna be like the ninth circle of hell for the entire time you’re having your treatments”.

I haven’t been able to go with Justin the last few weeks because of work and a major campaign fuck up thanks to some fucker in the art department who screwed up the boards and put the saying for Remson Pharmaceuticals on an ad I was doing pro-bono for Theodore’s rehab clinic. Yeah, that went over fucking brilliantly at presentation time. Though it’d be hilarious if Theodore’s face had stayed that red.

So Justin’s little faghag group have been trading off on taking him. And as I enter the loft, I expect to see most likely Maxxie floating around. He’d been the only one that hadn’t been to take Justin, so far. But my home is blissfully empty of Justin’s little friends.

“Honey, I’m home!” I call out with my little falsetto voice that makes him smile, despite being poisoned all day. But really, I’m fucking worried. The bathroom door’s open, I can see, and there’s no one else around, and my stomach clenches in fear.

But there is a small package on the counter, wrapped in silver paper that resembles foil (and could actually be, now that I look closer) and a gaudy blue bow. Plus I’m the first on the list to be called if there’s anything wrong at the office when Justin’s in for his treatments.


That little stomach clench again. I mean, he could’ve just run out. But usually he’s on the couch or halfway out of the bathroom, pale to the point that vein is visible all over his body and smelling ripe. He hates going on the bed when he’s sick. Because then he can’t watch TV to zone out on, so we put a disgustingly bright blue tarp on the couch that should only belong in Florida during hurricane season.



I relax a little, hearing his voice.

“Sorry, had my headphones on.” He says as he pulls out the buds, coming down the stairs. I hear the tinny tunes start on a new song, and know I scared him in between what’s probably Moby and some fucking boy band, most likely.

“You’re looking…” Like he does Sunday through Thursday, “Well, after your treatments.”

He smiles sheepishly and I have to wonder… “There’s a package for you on the counter. You should open it.”

I wanna push him about that smile, but there’s a light in his eyes that I haven’t seen in… years. Since before he left for New York.

So I play along and head to the package, undoing the bow with deliberate slowness, watching as he fidgets out of the corner of my eye. I smirk as I pull apart the foil-slash-wrapping paper, and look at the odd little present inside.

It looks like a scrap of fabric, bright pink with white and pink checkerboard frills. And when I pull it out, it falls open, the bottom stopping around my thighs.

It’s… “An apron?”

Why the fuck would he get me a pink… apron. Apron!

I snap my eyes to his where he’s smiling. Fuck. That smile. Did the loft just get brighter? … Am I growing a twat? Christ, I can’t believe I just thought that.

“I believe the deal was I get through and finish my treatments and you bake me that pie I love so much.”

“You fucking little shit!” I can’t help the burst of ecstatic laughter that comes from me as I reach for him. My hand curls around his neck and drags him to fit perfectly against my body, where he belongs. Our lips fuse and I clutch at him so tightly. Afraid this is some kind of fucking dream. The one I always had after a particularly bad bout of sickness, especially like it was in the beginning. Dreams where he’s healthy and whole and so completely Justin again that everything’s okay.

“There was more to the deal than that, Sunshine.” I remind him as soon as I pull away, feeling nervous that he’d try to back out of it.

“I know. Rae, Elijah, Fiona, Maxxie and Sean are already back in New York packing my shit up. They’ll bring it Sunday.”

“So that’s why it’s been so quiet the last few days.”

He pokes me in the ribs, smiling brightly. He’s too happy to let even my bashing his friends change his mood. Thank fucking God.

But if he really expects me to wear this fucking apron…

“And I expect you to go commando under that apron, Mister Kinney.” He whispers into my ear as he begins unbuttoning my shirt, promising me things that we could do with me in an apron and nothing else (I’ll admit, the ones of him coming up behind me are sort of hot too), not stopping ‘til he’s unbuttoned my trousers and pulled the zip down too, slipping his left hand in to grasp my hardening cock.

“Yes, sir.”

The twat’s lucky I love him. Because that fucking ring on his finger is really cold.


That’s it! :( I’m kinda really sad that it’s over, but it means I get to work on my next fic, tentatively titled Jar of Hearts.

I really wanna thank everyone that's read this. It means so much. I know cancer is an iffy topic to write (and even more to read), especially when you don't really have first-hand knowledge of it and have to rely on Wikipedia and various medical sites, hoping that the information has some semblance of truth to it. And the responses I received for this were overwhelmingly sweet. I used to be so scared to post fic up in this fandom ‘cause it’s so established in the last decade since the show aired, that I wasn’t really sure I’d be able to tackle anything with a bit of originality to it, and that’s what I like doing. I don’t want to take a topic that 9 out of 10 people have done, and then just write a clusterfuck of things that you can see individually in those 9 other pieces. I like approaching something with a bit of a different air to it. And I don’t know if I achieved it with this, but I had so much fun writing this. I really didn’t want it to end. As you can tell by the last rushed chapter, lol.

Thank gundamnook for this! Much love and absolute appreciation to her! Without her bidding/winning me in the Haiti auction and saying that sick!Justin was okay, this probably wouldn’t have happened. Now, to be perfectly honest though, this is what Fragments was meant to be from the very beginning. Justin’s behavior was to be linked to a brain tumor, but I couldn’t find a plausible way to connect the brain trauma from the bashing, to knocking his head on the ground when he was shot, to a brain tumor without taking some serious creative license on a cancer subject. And I try to make things as realistic as humanly possible, so I didn’t want to go so far out there.

Again, thank you all so much! I wish I could thank you individually, but that list would be super long.
-- Ashley.
feeling: accomplished
sexy_pumpkin: 103 Sunshinesexy_pumpkin on August 2nd, 2010 12:42 am (UTC)
The last line was pricless:) They are wearing their rings again.

Just a beautiful story, Im so glad I read it & I nearly didn't, as cancer fics really do weird things to my brain:)

The ending was lovley, the apron was funny & he's moving home, what more could you wish for,,thanks Jx
Cindytrintiff on August 2nd, 2010 12:46 am (UTC)
Absolutely wonderful! The entire thing was just great! I can't wait until your next fic! :-D
sjmpetssjmpets on August 2nd, 2010 02:18 am (UTC)
thanks for a great read.
Daphneduffy_60 on August 2nd, 2010 02:57 am (UTC)
Love the apron at the end, sweetie. That was just perfect. :-)

I can't believe it's done, done now. Now I must go back and reread from beginning to end. And I am mightily curious as to your next offering. You have me intrigued with the title.

Stay well, sweetie!
this crumbling fool.callmeadreamer on August 9th, 2010 05:14 pm (UTC)
I know! I don't want it to be done! Lol. But there are so many ideas for other fics buzzing in my head. I don't really know how many will come to be aside from the one I've mentioned and one other, but the juices are flowing!

Thank you so much for reviewing and being fantastic! I looked forward to your reviews during the whole process ♥

Hope you're doing well,
marny1: funmarny1 on August 2nd, 2010 07:22 am (UTC)
wow wonderful ending of a wonderful story, thanks

* hugs *
bksbraceletbksbracelet on August 2nd, 2010 09:10 am (UTC)
Great fic thank you lol with the apron and loved the rings scene
Pam81: B/j together more 308pam81 on August 2nd, 2010 09:27 am (UTC)
Wonderful end!
It's so funny to imagine Brian with an apron. But naked!Brian wearing it, it's so sexy ;)
Love the last line... perfect!
Thank you so much for this amazing story!
itzy68itzy68 on August 2nd, 2010 09:43 am (UTC)
Thank you for this story I loved it :D
bknjtbknjt on August 2nd, 2010 01:55 pm (UTC)
OMG.. Beautiful.... what a great ending..Justin finished his treatments, his NY friends are back in NY, they are wearing their rings again and Brian is baking a pie....it doesn't get any better than that....lol... I look forward to reading your next fic... Thanks...
har2har2 on August 2nd, 2010 03:03 pm (UTC)
This was a great story. Thanks for writing it. Loved the ending. And would love to see Brian in the apron, commando!
Effisilmarwen_85 on August 2nd, 2010 03:21 pm (UTC)
"...Because that fucking ring on his finger is really cold." *squeeee*

that was wonderful closure, and i'll dream happy dreams tonight...of brian going commando in that apron XD
roseguelroseguel on August 2nd, 2010 05:38 pm (UTC)
loved your story. more please :-)) rose
Sarah: brian/daphne (paddies)gundamnook on August 3rd, 2010 06:51 pm (UTC)
Where to start? XDD That just had to have been the best ending EVER!! Thank you so much for all of this! It really tore at my heart with such emotions... from both Justin and Brian! You do write Brian very well! And I love is overall reaction with Rae! XDD Someone had to get under Brian's skin and make him see the bigger picture with Justin. Someone who didn't know their history, someone who could really tell Brian like it is. Thank you for making a character like that be Justin's friend. I do so adore Daphne, but she has too much history and things don't always get said or expressed in the same manner than with someone who hasn't been there for everything. So thank you! And I can't wait to see what else you will do with her character! :D

Again, thank you, thank you, thank you for this! I really appreciate your hard work and dedication to my request. And I'm glad I could help out to a great cause (even if I feel I didn't donate enough to warrant such a truly amazing fic as this)! I know this fic gave you some issues and that your RL has been hindering your time for this fic. But it was definitely worth the wait! And I can't thank you enough! ♥♥♥

Can't wait to see what other amazing fics you come up with in the future!! I'm looking forward to them! :D
this crumbling fool.: queer ♠ the moment i said it.callmeadreamer on August 9th, 2010 05:10 pm (UTC)
Glad you liked the ending! It'd been so serious that I kinda wanted a lighthearted ending for it.
Can I just tell you in a non-creepy way that I freakin' love you? I think my biggest fear was that no one would understand my purpose with Rae and you completely do. Like... COMPLETELY. More than I thought anyone else would be able to without being inside my head. I loved Daphne like the rest of fandom, but she had stars in her eyes with Brian, like Justin did. I wanted to see Justin interact with his own group of friends. My issue was the show was that we got his one best friend, which was great, and then that was it. The rest of his interactions were with someone that eventually tried to kill him, tricks, a man he had an affair with, someone he was breaking the law with, a director and actor wanting his talent to bring them recognition, his parents, or Brian's extended family. There really wasn't anyone that was just Justin's, 'cause Daphne disappeared most of the time and was just a cliffnote. I've always felt that Justin needed his own group of friends/family. And so Rae, Elijah, Fiona, Sean and Maxxie were born... though Maxxie's technically from the Skins universe, but we'll just ignore that tidbit. :P

Woo, long response. But thank you so so much for requesting this. I highly doubt that I'd have either A: finished and posted another QAF fic or B: had the courage to write such a sensitive subject matter without your donation and request. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Sarah: brian/justin loved (paddies)gundamnook on August 12th, 2010 06:58 am (UTC)
Can I just tell you in a non-creepy way that I freakin' love you?

Awww... thank you!!!!! *blushes* ♥♥♥

I totally agree that Justin seriously needed his own friends in the series. He had Brian's friends and Daphne, and no one else. He did have Daren for a little bit, but after he got bashed, Justin didn't really interact with him after that. Which is too bad. I know some people don't like original characters having a big role in fics because it could take away from the main characters, but your little group interacted perfectly with the main cast! Again, I thank you greatly for that! :D
federicafefaxx on August 3rd, 2010 07:47 pm (UTC)
Ashley this was simply great as much as your concern about writing a cancer story because I really do know what is like having cancer and fight against it and you dealt with the "cancer" thing with high respect. Thank you.
this crumbling fool.callmeadreamer on August 9th, 2010 05:11 pm (UTC)
Wow, thank you so so much. Comments like this mean the most to me. I really did not want to offend anyone by making light or not showing it in a realistic manner. No one I know in my offline life has had cancer, so I haven't been there to see any form of it, but I tried to show a reality of it, underneath the plot and emotion. So thank you so much for thinking I dealt with it with respect.
tawny: bj-minetawny_7 on August 7th, 2010 04:28 am (UTC)
Loved it!!!
Lindals1966 on August 12th, 2010 10:58 am (UTC)
This was beautiful, I loved it ;-)
missreggieblackmissreggieblack on November 12th, 2010 01:14 am (UTC)
*sigh* another wonderul fic that's finished :-) Are you still planning on writing a sequel about him relapsing?
Yvonne Reidyvonnereid on August 20th, 2012 09:16 pm (UTC)
I really enjoyed reading this a second time :)
Huge Hugs,Vonnie xoxox
blossomlegsblossomlegs on November 22nd, 2015 04:57 am (UTC)
This is my second read of this Fabulous fic and I'm pretty sure I never commented on it before, so just what to let you know I loved it, very well written and angst, but with the boys together.
Thanks for sharing! JoAnn