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31 July 2010 @ 02:55 pm
FIC: Parameters (14/14)  
Title: Parameters
Fandom: Queer As Folk
Rating: R/M for language -- if you’ve seen the series, you’re fine.
Category: Angst, drama, romance, friendship, hurt/comfort
Disclaimer: I do not own, nor am I any way affiliated with the characters, actors, or production company that were part of Queer As Folk. I am however the owner of the characters and places you do not recognize.
Warnings: Cancer!fic (NOT a death!fic)
Dedicated: For gundamnook who asked for this fic as the winning bidder from help_haiti!
Summary: Justin Taylor ignored the symptoms. Ignored the nausea, the headaches, the nosebleeds. But he couldn’t ignore the colorblindness. With a dire diagnosis, he’s making his way back to Pittsburgh for the first time in two and a half years to face the music of his mortality once again.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five.
Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten.
Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen.



It’s the first thing that registers. Just like it did when I woke up from the bashing. It was all just about pain. My head fucking throbbing and wanting to explode as the drugs wore off rapidly, along with the blissful numbness that comes with sleeping.

Though, as I found out, I hadn’t really been sleeping so much as in a coma for several days.

And as the doctors bustle around, my mother and sister weeping with relief, I realize I’d been in another one of those ‘fitful sleeps’ that are also known as comas.

What I didn’t expect though was to be told that I’d been in one for nearly two weeks.

And that Brian was so fucking worried, he was threatening to sue the hospital for fucking up my brain surgery. Being told by Sean that my brain activity didn’t show signs of being brain dead ended up with Ben, Drew and Eli holding Brian back while Rae yelled at him to shut up. At least they can both agree on the fact that Sean can be annoying at inappropriate times, even if he doesn’t mean to be.

But as everyone congregates in my room, despite the doctors threatening to call security ‘cause there’s way too many people in the room -- and I’m inclined to agree with him between my New York family and half of my Liberty family being in here -- we’re all given the good news.

Though from the way they just nodded and smiled, I take it the doctor had all pacified them after surgery and told them. But I’m pretty much tumor-less. Thank God. Reading shit on the internet before brain surgery is not a good idea.

And then everyone’s made to leave so they could let me get cleaned up and run some tests and eat, ‘cause I’m fucking starving and I don’t even want to think about what they were giving me on the feeding tube. Probably baby food. Nasty.

And as I’m being helped getting bathed, I realize… it’s done. My surgery is over. I remember vague moments of when I was awake during the surgery, but basically my last vivid memory was of feeling so scared as they bustled around to get the anesthesia ready.

I don’t even know what to think. I’ve been fucking afraid for the last few weeks that I wouldn’t make it out of this. That I’d end up a vegetable or missing some kind of function in a part of my body. My biggest fears were my hands and my dick, not even gonna pretend otherwise. But my hand’s working fine, both of them thank God, and the thought of getting out of here and getting fucked by Brian for the first time in ages has my cock at half-mast, so I’m sure everything’s working okay.

But still, the doctor runs a pencil up the inside of my foot and leaves me twitching. Taps my knee and nearly gets it to the face after it didn’t work the first time and he bent a little closer. Made me bend and flex my arms every which way and then go over basic information about my life. They were annoying, but unfortunately necessary, tests to go through before I was poked with needles and finally plied with food. It was hospital food, but who gave a fuck at this point?

I had just finished the chicken sandwich when Pryce left the room after telling me about the surgery and promising to be back with the information on my “treatments”. And before the door could even close, Brian was sneaking in.

Maybe this is why Brian didn’t tell me about going to Johns Hopkins. Because then we’d have had to deal with this awkward moment. Oh hey, you survived your surgery… now what? Can’t ask how they’re doing, it’s kinda obvious it’s ‘not good’ or they’re lying. Can’t fuck. Can’t really do much but stare at each other.

But the way Brian’s doing it isn’t awkward. It’s mostly… contemplative and I think that worries me more than awkward.



He looks like absolute shit.

His face is yellowed.
Veins are visible.
His lips are chapped and peeling.
He seems to have dropped fifteen pounds.
His hair is growing back and creating shadows with its natural color.

But he’s alive and the most beautiful fucking thing I’ve ever seen.

“I love you.” I all but blurt.



“Bri…” I can’t even finish his name. Why? ‘Cause when I started to speak, he was taking long strides towards me. And now? His mouth is covering mine and I’m so fucking happy that I got to brush my teeth before he came in. Because it’s like he’s trying to devour me. Trying to illicit the reaction he knows he can from me to prove that I’m still here, still alive.

It’s wet and messy and lacking so much technique that it’s fucking perfect in its desperation.

“Stupid fucking twat.”

Of course that’d be the first thing he said to me. Start with something heartbreakingly sweet, and end it with something completely Brian Kinney. I can’t help the breathless little laugh. This tells me we’re okay. That things are gonna be okay. “I love you too.”

His expression softens, and in the dim light I suspect those are tears in his eyes. “Scared me so fucking much.” His voice cracks over the words, and I rub my hand up the side of his face. “It was worse this time. At least last time you fucking moved, woke up in the mornings.”

I would’ve chocked it up to him talking about the three days after the bashing that I knew he’d been there, but then the comment about mornings kind of threw me off. But I know better than to ask. Part of me always hoped that he found a way to sneak in to see me despite not coming during the days while I was in the hospital. I think that was his way of confirming it. Confirming that he was here the whole time, this time.

I lay soft kisses across his cheeks, his lips, whispering that it’s okay until his arms wrap around me and he buries his face in my neck, mumbling incoherently.

“So, when can I expect that pie from you?”

He stiffens for a moment, before letting out a little chuckle. “After you make it through your treatments.”

“Okay, so I make it through the radiation or chemo or whatever, and you bake me a pie… from scratch?”

“I can’t promise it’ll be edible, but that was the deal.”

I want to mention the rest of the deal, but we’ll have plenty of time to work on that.

“And then you’ll move back in.”

I smile against his shoulder, wrapping my arms tighter around him.

Forever is plenty of time.


I'm not overly thrilled with Justin's portion of this, I think I got pretty comfortable in Brian's POV, but I wanted to get back into Justin for the final chapter, seeing as the story was supposed to be all about him and his illness. And because the epilogue is back to Brian's POV lol. But this is it! The final chapter. The short epilogue will be up tomorrow sometime. I got hit overnight with the bug going around my family, and I literally just slept off and on for 16 hours 'cause of it, lol.

And for those that are reading and wondering what Justin's group of friends look like, including a teenage Molly, you can see it HERE. I updated all the cast pictures with bigger graphics/more pictures yesterday, and there's a slight character spoiler at the bottom for what I can suppose is "future" storylines with anything I do regarding what I lovingly refer to as "my canon", lol. But that has nothing to do with Parameters or what'll be my next full-length fic.

So yep, the epilogue and many, many thanks will be up tomorrow! ♥
-- Ashley
feeling: sick
bknjtbknjt on August 1st, 2010 11:31 pm (UTC)
I loved it.... I am thrilled that Brian told Justin he loved him and called him a "stupid fucking twat".... which made Justin realize that everything was going to be "Normal" between them.... Great ending and looking forward to the epilogue... Thanks...