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06 December 2010 @ 03:10 am
FIC: A Thousand Feet Per Second  
Title: A Thousand Feet Per Second
Fandom: Queer As Folk
Rating: M for depictions of violence
Category: Angst
Word Count: Just under 200, written in 15 minutes.
Disclaimer: I do not own, nor am I any way affiliated with the characters, actors, or production company that were part of Queer As Folk. I am however the owner of the characters and places you do not recognize.

Summary: When everything begins to go wrong, you search the archive of your brain to find when the last time was that you felt free.





When the sense of apathy disappeared, I knew it was a dangerous sign. In the back of my head, I knew things were going to be bad. For myself, the people around me, strangers.

It had happened before. Lead to me sticking guns in people’s faces and mouths, fingering the trigger crudely. Wondering what it’d be like to see pink mist and chunks of brain splattered against brick, cement, grass.

Enjoyed the crunching of bones connecting, the sting of soap in cracked knuckles, bloom of pain as bruises were pressed.

I begin to remember it vividly, begin to crave it again. Something I haven’t felt in so long. The rage, pure and unadulterated. The want for blood and vengeance and respect. The need to scream from a rooftop until my voice is gone and the birds fly away in fear, and then leave my mouth wide and shouting wordlessly.

Release.

Not sexual. Psychological.

When everything begins to go wrong, you search the archive of your brain to find when the last time was that you felt free.

“Justin?”

When the last time was that you felt safe.

“Brian…I need help.”

When the last time was that you felt loved.
 
 
feeling: depressed
hearing: hedley perfect
 
 
 
Found You: BK-Black Shirt S5 Promo Piccaydani_blondy on December 6th, 2010 08:55 am (UTC)
Oh Very Dark :(

Glad that he asked for Brian's Help
this crumbling fool.callmeadreamer on December 10th, 2010 11:40 am (UTC)
Sometimes people just need to ask for help, I suppose, haha. Thanks for reading hun ♥
Sarah: brian/justin loved (paddies)gundamnook on December 6th, 2010 10:12 am (UTC)
Awwww... I really hope Brian can help Justin! And very good of Justin to seek out Brian for help instead of keeping it bottled up inside.

I hope there is more of this. This was very intriguing and I would like to know if Justin gets the help he desperately needs! Great job! :)

Edited at 2010-12-06 10:14 am (UTC)
this crumbling fool.callmeadreamer on December 10th, 2010 11:29 am (UTC)
Who knows, there might end up being more. Anything is possible, hah.
Pam81: neve anim.pam81 on December 6th, 2010 10:15 am (UTC)
This is really painful, but beautifully written.
Glad that Justin asked for help.
Great work!
this crumbling fool.callmeadreamer on December 10th, 2010 11:30 am (UTC)
Thank you :)
Toto_too514: fall sunsettoto_too514 on December 6th, 2010 11:49 am (UTC)
Wow!
Very intense...
So much pain...

Could this little seed be the start of something bigger?
this crumbling fool.callmeadreamer on December 10th, 2010 11:30 am (UTC)
Possibly. There might be small drabblish sequels to continue on, but I won't go as far as to promise that there will be or even call them "chapters".
Yvonne Reidyvonnereid on December 6th, 2010 02:19 pm (UTC)
Very intense,im glad he reached out to Brian :)
Huge hugs x
this crumbling fool.callmeadreamer on December 10th, 2010 11:39 am (UTC)
Thank you for reading and commenting :)
Cindy: B/J S-4 angry fucktrintiff on December 6th, 2010 03:02 pm (UTC)
Wow, beautifully brutal!

I never liked how after the scene with Justin walking away from Chris and Cody that they left that arc as if it never happened. We never got to see him talk to Brian about it; never got to see how it affected him. It was like "put a gun in his mouth - check ... tell him to suck it - check ... have an epiphany - check ... Hallelujah, I'm cured! Puh-leese!!

Anyway, I loved your drabble! (sorry my comment was longer than the fic! LOL

Hugs, Cindy
this crumbling fool.callmeadreamer on December 10th, 2010 11:32 am (UTC)
I didn't like it either. I think in one of my other stories I made a passing remark to how he walked down the street and threw up just to have a bit of humanity to it. I know that holding a gun on someone isn't as cut and dry as they made it to be, so I was not happy with how Justin was cracking jokes about it the next episode. Very odd characterization on the writers' part.
Daphneduffy_60 on December 7th, 2010 05:34 pm (UTC)
Very dark, sweetie; and so spot-on for someone who has PTSD. I hated in the series how they just barely scratched the surface of that topic, both in Justin and Brian. Let's face it, Brian was suffering from it long before Justin's bashing vis-a-vis all of his childhood abuse.

It's good to hear from you. I was just rereading Parameters the other day. :-)

If I don't talk to you before: I hope you have a wonderful holiday season!!

Daph
xoxo
this crumbling fool.callmeadreamer on December 10th, 2010 11:33 am (UTC)
Yeah, I have experience with PTSD so the complete lack of it aside from the first half season of season 2 and then random moments throughout the rest of the series pretty much bugged me.

Really? hah. It's weird to think people give a second thought to my stories once they're done. Glad you liked it enough to go back to it.

Thank you! Same to you as well ♥